But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
