I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
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The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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