dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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