Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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