he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My cat gives me a boner
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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