More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
All the doctor said was why
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
