I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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