I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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