12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
