And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
