If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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