I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
