This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
