fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
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He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
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He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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