I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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