I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
