she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
