Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
And then he peed in my hair
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