Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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