wrigley field is MILF paradise
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
