You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
