There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
