Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
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