Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
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You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
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well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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