the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
