Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
