he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
