I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
