My girlfriend figured out who you are.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
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Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
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the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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