I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
