D3 body, D1 cock
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I AM VODKA MAN
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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