if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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