did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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