Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize