I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
