I feel like abortions should bother me more
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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