your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
