Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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