I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Someone came in the potted fern
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
