Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
