Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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