no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
