Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
