ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you would pick up someone in the library
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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