there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
