I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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