I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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