Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
