i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
