He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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