Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
