I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
