I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
