Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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