dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
