Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
