Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
