I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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