Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
