Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
