Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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