It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
