My nipple is on Facebook.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
All the doctor said was why
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
