"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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