hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
