You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
