I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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