Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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