so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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