I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
