I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I need water and some morals
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
