I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
