Kiss
Puke
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
