I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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